Achieving Dreams
Last Spring I joined a women’s writing group for five weeks with four women I didn’t know. Each week we selected one of three questions to respond to and shared our writing with each other. Simple, right? Not so simple!
One week I respond to the question what is calling to me, pushing me, or pulling me? I decide to write about my walks in my neighborhood with my dog, Ella. Every time Ella and I go for a walk it is the same routine. I say “want to go for a walk” and her whole body begins to tremble and shake with excitement. From that moment on, she watches my every move - her anticipation building. We play a little cat and mouse game while I try to put the leash over her neck. Eventually, she stays still enough so I can place the leash over her fluffy, blonde neck. I stare into her sweet, hazel eyes and kiss the top of her head. As soon as we begin our walk down the driveway, she begins to pull (here’s the pulling part) and I watch the leash tighten around her throat - choking her. I ask her to stop pulling, make her sit, and shorten the length of her leash to keep her close to my side. I am training her to behave, right?! It doesn’t matter what I say to her she continues to seek, pull, choke. I hate that I am trying to stifle her enthusiasm, train her, while watching her choke. My heart breaking every time. As I am writing, capturing our walks, these words come out “what fills me with such excitement, joy?” “What do I want so bad that I’m willing to be choked?” “What is choking me?”
Wow - now I have a whole new set of questions to respond to and pulling takes on a new meaning. I love the process of writing and how new insights present themselves. They suddenly appear, invite you in, and you make a decision to explore or ignore. Here is the deal - I knew the answers to those questions. I’d been working with a coach, who was leading the writing group, unpacking my unhappiness. I was searching for my professional joy and exploring what if questions. What if I was an entrepreneur? What if I was a DEI leader? What if I focused on gender equity? What if I only did the parts of HR that I enjoyed? What if I took a break so I could breath, reflect, and just be? I knew fear was choking me. I was working for a company, in a job, doing work that wasn’t consistently aligned with my strengths and my joy. Yet I was afraid to walk away. Afraid I’d lose everything. Afraid I wouldn’t be successful. I could go on and on about my fears.
Each week I showed up for my writing group and responded to my question for that week. The last question I responded to ended up being my resignation conversation and letter. I read those words out loud and sat with how I felt. I felt like Ella - trembling and shaking with excitement - anticipation building. I gave my notice two weeks later in the midst of a pandemic without knowing my next move. Who does that? I did that!
So to find my excitement, joy, happiness, I had to first walk away from my job. Sometimes to figure out where we need to go we have to let go of where we’ve been, where we are. I had to take action, step into the unknown, believe in myself and my ability to figure it out. I had to be willing to redefine my identity, success, and my dream. I had to trust my experience and my ability to find my way as I’d done so many times before. My husband and I had prepared for this moment - we had savings. We weren’t going to lose it all if I took the time to discover and explore my next dream.
After leaving my job, a couple weeks later, I created WeMaax Consulting. Two weeks later I had my first consulting gig. As soon as I took that one giant, scary step into the unknown, it all became so clear for me. I walked through a door into a new room - a new life where I could rearrange the furniture in the room however I wanted. A room where I didn’t have to be one thing or do things one way. I answered all those what if questions. I built a business doing all the things I love.
By exploring and trusting my inner knowing, receiving professional and personal support, and having the courage to take a scary step forward, I am living a new dream. A dream filled with joy and happiness.
What step will you take to achieve your dream? What if?
This blog is dedicated to Lael Jepson, She Changes, for being one of those amazing women who helped me with my scary step forward.
